Today I find myself a frustrated gardener. God damn deer.

Yes, yes, I was out this morning in my nightgown in my garden boots spraying for deer. God damn deer.

I have remained fairly vigilant this winter, spraying for deer, but I hadn’t re-sprayed in between the two snow storms. And in between the two snow storms, there was also rain. so shame on me, I’m paying the proverbial piper.

My garden is feeling besieged by deer this year. This morning at 5:30 AM there were eight of them in my backyard where there are never deer. I’ve discovered deer also don’t like hissing sounds, so when I open the window and hiss at them, they leave, and it’s quieter than yelling.

But I feel stuck, because I have one neighbor who has taken enough of the underbrush and everything out of their part of the woods that deer have a clear path through to my woods and then to my garden on one side.

I get that he is trying to keep his property neat and he’s not the kind of gardener I am, but sometimes you leave a brush or stick pile strategically placed and it is actually another kind of deterrent. And it’s like when you leave some of the forest floor plantings in place but remove the invasives — it helps with storm water management and flooding and you don’t look like you have a stream running through your woods when it rains.

But the real problem is another neighbor who feeds the deer. This person is drawing more deer to our entire neighborhood because they’re like his forest dogs. You literally see them line up by the back of his property at dinner time. And while he might think that’s cute, I think that’s bringing more Lyme ticks and garden destroyers in.

And the people who feed deer don’t get it. They think it’s really cute and they’re helping the poor little deer in the winter but they’re not. Feeding the birds is one thing, but feeding animals like deer teaches them to be dependent on us and not their own skill sets. Not the deer have a lot of skill sets as by nature they are kind of dumb.

And all of this development happening constantly where I live also doesn’t help. And why is that? Because quite simply put, human beings are taking away the habitat of animals. And when these animals have no place to go they come to your backyard.

The people who feed the deer don’t really care about people like us who garden. And for the most part, I live in an immediate neighborhood of people that are more lawn people than garden people. They have beautiful properties, don’t misunderstand me, but it’s not about the flowers and plants and love you put into growing things.

My garden is my artistic canvas. And this morning it’s like someone came in with a palette knife, and cut holes in a canvas.

My gardens are littered with munched on rhododendrons, and even a mountain laurel and I don’t plant just garden-variety rhododendrons that you can get at your big box store. I plant these beautiful red ones that I source from Oregon. Now I won’t know for a while, which rhododendrons will make it and which ones will have to be replaced. but it’s a total pain in the ass.

I know my lament, especially for gardeners up and down the eastern coast of the United States, is nothing new. But there are things we can do to help. People shouldn’t be feeding the deer and we need culls. They need to be hunted to reduce their population because not only have humans reduced their habitats almost criminally, but this also means that natural predators aren’t as likely to be around any longer.

And because of stupid human tricks meets deer, those of us who are gardeners are suffering.

Bitch-fest over. I’m alternating spraying with Plant Skydd, Deer Out, and Deer Stopper.

I will say that the snow yesterday was quite beautiful and still is today.

I will leave all of you to go look for replacement rhododendrons in case I need them.